The Significance....

 

Feeling anxious at my desk, I pull my finger from the keyboard. My eyes stare at my laptop screen, but my head is empty. I can hear the voice of "The Click Five" circle in my ears. I remember when I was 19, and I  keep playing this song on my headset. The girl in the song is named Jenny, and i think it must be good to be Jenny, being loved and adored by the singer, but is she his real soulmate? Why is she so special that her name is in the song lyrics? Deeper in my thoughts, I believe she must be someone that very significance for him. No matter what gender we are or the difference of our backgrounds, the level of our education, and the history that we leave behind, there must be someone who will always remain significance in our lives. Trust me. The significance memories that leave a scar that won’t fade even after a decade has passed, and the sweetness of the memories that leave us smiling and joy.

If I could, I would wish for every second of my life to repeat only the sweetest and happiest memories. So there are no tears and pain inside me, and my heart can beat calmly, and my mind can feel fresh. Fresh as when I woke up early in the Sunday morning and i breath the cold air from the door, sitting beside the window and feel the wind through my skin and the warm from the heat of coffee through my lips. How much I enjoy every bit of that moment. 

People say that time will heal the wound, yes! it does, but the scar still remains. Yes! the memories.. the name, the face and the words. Does they have medicine for it? so I am able to feel less pain inside me. Does they had warning me the pain that may cause? so i can prepare myself for the lost. Yeah, sometimes the wound was still bleeding, and i cried. And each tear that falls from my eyes makes me wonder how long this pain will last with me? The regret, the guilt and the pain.

I even fantasise of having a time machine and returning to the past. I'm hoping to leave the message unread and remove the blue tick from WhatsApp. And avoid the day I met them by taking a different path  on the main street or pretend I'm rushing when walking pass them so they can't stop me for a conversation. And if I could go back into the time, I'd revise the reminder on which date and what hour I'll be hurting.Sometimes I wonder why I dream those things although I know I can't return into the past. Why do I spend my energy and time worrying about persons who already disappear? Why? or......is it this how our life would turned out after The Significance?

Jamieylah 💗
xoxo